


Just Joking

by Clare_Hope



Series: Clare's College 'Verse [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: ALL THE FLUFF, Alcohol, Bisexual Character, College AU, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Genderqueer Character, M/M, Mutual Pining, Nonbinary Character, Other, Sharing a Bed, and all the angst, asexual character (mentioned)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-01
Updated: 2016-06-10
Packaged: 2018-07-11 16:32:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7060489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clare_Hope/pseuds/Clare_Hope
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pining for one of his best friends isn't easy, and it doesn't help that Alex keeps making jokes about him and John being together. Or that Alex gets very affectionate when he's tired or drunk. John isn't sure how long he can take this anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> An anonymous prompt from someone on tumblr asked for "Okay, can we stop joking around like we'd ever actually date? It's really starting to hurt..." And I, being me, couldn't pass that up as a one-shot. So here you have the entire first year of my college AU 'verse (other one-shots set in which can be found [here](http://marqueer-de-lafayette.tumblr.com/tagged/college-au)). Enjoy, feedback is immensely appreciated!

“Alex, why the fuck are you texting me?” John asked suddenly, looking up across the room at his friend. “You are ten feet away from me.”

“You're ignoring me,” Alex pouted. “I came over to your room because Laf has Adrienne over and I thought you would talk to me but you're not.”

“I have a paper about racism in antebellum America to finish,” John said. “Talk to Herc.”

“Don't drag me into this,” called John’s roommate from where he was lounging in his bed reading a book. “Entertain your boyfriend, John, or tell him to get out and stop distracting you.”

“He isn't my boyfriend,” John muttered. In his dreams, maybe.

Alex laughed. “Aww, yeah, John, entertain your boyfriend,” he teased.

John stood up abruptly and, taking his computer with him, left the room. “I'm going to the library,” he said. He knew he was being childish, but he couldn't stay in the same room as the guy he had a crush on while that guy was making jokes about them dating. That was just unfair.


	2. Two

“Johnnnn, I'm gonna fall over,” Alex slurred. The music was really loud, and the air stank of sweat and alcohol. John usually liked parties, but he was tired and really wanted to go to bed. However, he wasn't going to leave Alex there when he was this drunk.

John put his arm around Alex to steady him. “Alex, I think you've had enough.”

“You haven't had, like,  _ any _ ,” Alex told him. “You should have some,  _ mi amigo _ .” When Alex got really drunk, he often started speaking in Spanish. Or French, if John was unlucky. At least he knew Spanish. And if he was  _ really _ unlucky, Alex would start spewing out Dutch, which he apparently had also learned some of when he was a kid.

“Alex, we both know what happens when I drink more than like, two beers,” John reminded him. “Also, we should get you back to the dorm so you can get a little sleep.”

“Not  _ tired _ ,” Alex whined.

Firmly, John steered him towards the door, pushing past a few people he knew in passing and several he had never seen before. Sally Hemmings and Maria Reynolds, practically joined at the hip as always, their hands wound so tightly together than John could barely tell where one girl’s skin ended and the other’s began, stopped them from leaving to talk to them for a minute.

“You two are  _ adorable _ ,” Sally proclaimed, patting at John’s face drunkenly.

“Mmhmm,” Maria agreed. She kissed Sally on the cheek sloppily, leaving a bright red lipstick stain that joined several already on her girlfriend’s face. “Almost as adorable as us.”

“We, um, aren’t actually together, you know,” John tried to inform them.

Alex giggled, a high-pitched and happy sound that made John’s heart melt, and then it skipped a beat as Alex pulled him down to kiss his cheek just like Maria had Sally’s. “Lighten up,  _ amigo _ .”

“Uh-huh, okay, you are definitely going back to your dorm,” John hastened to say. “Bye, Sally, Maria. Ugh, Alex, I can’t wait to drop you off and let Laf deal with you,” he added half-heartedly.

“Nooooo, you love dealing with me,” Alex said.

“You keep telling yourself that.” But John did. He loved having Alex pressed against his side, even if only to keep the smaller man from tripping over his own feet. He loved hearing Alex babbling on about whatever was on his mind, even if it made no sense to John. He loved the careless affection that Alex lavished on him when inebriated that he rarely gave sober. He loved how Alex’s hand would brush against his, wrap around it and squeeze slightly before letting go as if realizing what he was doing, just to repeat it again a minute later. He just loved Alex.

John led the stumbling Alex into the dorm room. Lafayette was still awake, and they looked up as their friends came into the room. “Do you need me to take him,  _ cher _ ?” they asked.

“Yes, please. I think he’s had a bit too much.” John passed Alex over to the nonbinary student.

“Hiiii, Laf,” Alex mumbled.

“Hello,  _ mon ami _ , let’s get you into bed,” they replied, slightly amused. “Goodnight, John, sleep well.”

“You too. And Alex, see you in class tomorrow.” John slipped back out of the room and went down the hallway to his own dorm room. He collapsed on his bed with a loud groan.

“Bad night?” Hercules wanted to know.

“No,” John said bluntly. A few seconds later, he amended, “Yes. No. I don’t know. Sort of?”

“You’re bein’ real specific there, man. Mind filling me in with just a few more details?”

John groaned again. Hercules knew all about his infatuation with Alex, but John didn't really want to talk about it. “Him,” he muttered finally.

“Ahh,” Herc responded. “Well, I'm here if you need a sounding board, but you and I both know that I'm not very good at any of this. So I'm gonna go to bed. Night, kid.”

“Night.” John pulled off his shirt and pants and flopped down on his thin bed in his boxers, exhausted beyond all belief. His last thought before falling asleep was of how he wished Alex would just say flat-out if there was any chance of them actually dating, if John should just move on, or if they would keep doing this awkward dance, round and round until one of them either fell backwards or flew forwards into the other's arms. If it was that one, John hoped Alex would fall quickly one way or the other. This waiting was torture.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit longer of a chapter! (The rest are more this length.) Hope you enjoyed!


	3. Three

“Be right back, gotta go grab a new book,” Alex announced. He stood up from the table in the library where he, John, and a few of their friends were studying for the history midterm the next week and ruffled John’s hair affectionately before walking away. John gazed after him.

“Ugh, John, why don't you just kiss him already,” muttered Angelica.

John sputtered. “Excuse me?” he managed. Was  _ everyone  _ going to keep accusing him and Alex of having a thing for the other? Even if it was true in his case, it didn't mean John was comfortable with being such an apparently open book.

“You heard me,” she returned.

“We aren't--” John broke off as both Angelica and Hercules gave him a “not buying it” look. “Even if...he's not interested, okay? Have you seen him around girls?”

“Honey, Alex is bi as fuck,” Angie informed him. “He doesn't exactly hide that, either, have you seen the pride flag on his wall?”

John frowned. He  _ had _ seen the pink purple and blue poster on Alex’s wall, and he guess he  _ knew _ that Alex was bi, but he had never really thought of the possibility that Alex might be interested in him. He had always thought that Alex liked Eliza, Angelica’s sister. “What about Liza?”

“Eliza’s ace,” Angelica said. “She loves Alex, but not like that.”

John blinked. He hadn't known that. Still. “Still, I don't think it's gonna happen,” he muttered, and they all let it drop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyyyy another short chapter. I'm, like, hella tired, it's my first day of freedom (aka summer), so please come and talk to me on tumblr (marqueer-de-lafayette.tumblr.com) if you wanna but if i don't reply immediately it's probably because i fell asleep. <3 ~Clare


	4. Four

Letting out a loud sigh, John flopped down onto his bed in the dark dorm room. There was a muffled yelp, and John leapt back up. “Holy shit,” he exclaimed. He had sat down on someone already lying in his bed.

“Hi, John,” mumbled Alex.

“What. The. Fuck. Are you doing in my bed at one in the morning?” John asked.

“Laf and I were arguing and I kinda stormed out and Herc said I could crash here,” Alex said.

John stared. “In my bed?”

“Well, you weren't here, and Herc was already half asleep and wasn't sharing,” Alex explained.

John yawned suddenly. He was too tired to argue with Alex, and it wasn't like they hadn't cuddled and fallen asleep on each other's shoulders before. “Well, scoot over,” he said, lying back down and nudging Alex over.

Alex wrapped his arms around John and burrowed into his side. John tried not to flinch, tried not to think about how much he wanted to roll over and press his lips against Alex’s. It didn't help when Alex said quietly, “You're really warm. We should do this more often.”

Managing a yawn to cover up a surprised squeak, John replied, “Mmhmm. Goodnight, Alex.”

“Night,” Alex replied. He was asleep very quickly, his breathing slowing. He sniffed loudly and pressed his face into John's neck. John gave in and pressed a light kiss to the top of Alex’s head before closing his eyes and falling asleep, thrilled to be in Alex’s arms and at the same time uncomfortably aware of the fact that it wasn't really the way he wanted it to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit guys I'm so sorry, I totally forgot about updating this. Sorry. Hey, I'm really having a hard day, I'd appreciate all the love and feedback in the comments? You get the rest of this story today as an apology for my lateness. <3 ~Clare


	5. Five

“John, you need to get out of our room at least once today,” Hercules said.

“Busy,” replied John.

“Eat something, then.”

“You're not my mom, Herc, leave me alone,” John said stubbornly. He was studying for a macrobiology test that took place in three days, and he needed to pass it to move on to the next level of marine biology class he wanted to take. Double majoring in art and marine bio was not an easy course to take, but he was going to do it if it killed him.

“Fine, dude, but when you try to stand up and pass out because you haven't eaten all day, don't expect me to catch you,” muttered Hercules. He was typing something on his phone. Then he stopped and sent John a triumphant look. John frowned, and was about to ask what the hell that was about when his phone started ringing.

John glanced down at his phone. It was Alex. “What?” he answered.

“Hi!” Alex greeted cheerfully. “You should come get lunch with me.”

“Hercules put you up to this, didn't he?” John asked flatly, shooting a glare at the fashion student. Herc shrugged.

“No!” Alex protested weakly. Then, “Well, yeah, he told me you hadn't left your room all day, so I figured…”

“You aren't any better,” muttered John. He sighed. He needed to keep studying, but he also didn't want to pass up the chance to go to lunch alone with Alex. “Fine.”

“Perfect,” Alex said. “It can be a date. I'll be at your room in two minutes.”

_ It can be a date. _ Ha, John wished. “See you,” he said quietly, and hung up. He looked up at Hercules, who had a self-satisfied smirk on his face. “Shut up,” John snapped.

Hercules put his hands up defensively. “I said nothing.”

“Uh-huh,” John said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said, whole thing today. <3 Again, all the love and feedback in comments? Thank you all, you wonderful people. ~Clare


	6. Six

“So…” Alex said slowly. “We're done with our first year of college.”

“Yeah,” agreed John. He wouldn't look into Alex’s eyes as they sat together on the lawn. The sun was shining brightly down on them, and John couldn't help but feel sad. He wasn't going to see Alex the whole summer, most likely, and there was no guarantee that Alex would even want to be friends with him still next year.

“Hercules and Laf are leaving tomorrow,” Alex said.

“Yeah.”

“I'm gonna miss them.”

John nodded. A lump was rising in his throat. He  _ wasn't  _ going to cry in front of Alex like this. He didn't say anything.

Alex hesitated. “I'm gonna miss you, too,” he added eventually. “I...well, you know, I'm gonna be kinda living in Professor Washington's spare room, ‘cause he realized I don't actually have somewhere to live in the summer. And I'm not gonna be able to come down to South Carolina to see you. And you're leaving day after tomorrow, so we aren't going to be able to spend much more time together until next year.”

“I know,” John said.

“Let's make the most of today, then?” suggested Alex.

Finally, John looked over at his friend. “What do you have in mind?”

“Let's go somewhere.”

“Where?”

Alex shrugged. “Let's just get lost. Could you drive us out, like into the woods? We can go walking and just get lost.”

“I don't like being lost,” John informed him.

“Well, we won't really be lost. We'll have each other.” Alex smiled.

John blinked at him a few times. “Okay. Let's go.”

An hour later, John was driving down the New York forest road, Alex in the passenger seat. The blur of green whizzed passed them, and they drove in silence. They usually played music in the car, but not today. Today wasn't for music. It wasn't for laughter and talking and jokes. Today was for sitting in a comfortable quiet, together with separate thoughts of the year behind them and the years ahead of them. Today was also for parking the car on the shoulder of the road and wandering off into the woods, for Alex to quietly and gently take John’s hand as they were walking. Today was for finding a tiny, singing, crystal clear stream that tumbled through the trees and smoothed rocks in its wake, for sitting down next to the gurgling water on a fallen log and just  _ being _ . Together.

John was starting to wish that Alex would say something. Something about the fact that they were still holding hands, about the fact that John could feel Alex’s pulse quickening every time John squeezed his hand. Something about the fact that even though both of them were looking at the water, one of them would glance over and catch the other just  _ staring _ . But he didn’t say anything. Not for a long time.

“Hey, John?”

Startled by Alex’s voice after such a prolonged silence, John almost jumped. “Yeah?” he asked.

Alex rested his head on John’s shoulder. “We should have more days like this.”

“What, going off on a date alone in the woods?” John said, trying to make a joke.

For some reason, Alex flinched. He let go of John’s hand and scooted back on the log so he could face John, even though he wouldn’t look him in the eye. “Okay, can we stop that?”

“Stop...what?” John asked, genuinely confused.

Alex took a deep breath. “Can we stop joking around like we’d ever actually date? It’s really starting to hurt.”

For a second, John just stared. He wasn’t sure if Alex had really just said what he thought he had said. “What?” he managed.

Alex swiped his palm across his forehead. “We’re always making jokes about dating, or being a couple, but you always seem to treat it just like that. Like a joke. Like it could never actually happen. You always were so quick to deny us being together when anyone made any sort of suggestion about it, and...I get it if you don’t want to be seen in that way with me, I’m fine with that, with just being friends, or I could be. But I need…” He seemed to be struggling to find words, which was never something John had seen him struggle with before. Alex always had just the right words. Always. John’s shock kept him silent as Alex went on. “I need us to stop joking about it, if we’re just gonna be friends. Okay?”

_ Wait _ . “Does that mean,” John began slowly, “that you  _ do _ want to be more than friends?”

Alex buried his face in his arms, doubling over. “I don’t...I mean...if you aren’t comfortable, if you don’t want to...then no, I’d never put you in that position, but…”

“Alexander.” John surprised himself when Alex’s full name escaped his lips. “Alexander Hamilton.” He didn’t even hesitate. He slid over to Alex and made him lift his head back up. They looked each other in the eye for a swift moment, and that look said more than words ever could. At the exact same time, they both leaned forwards, eyes closed, and they kissed.

When at last they pulled apart, John’s lips were slightly wet and he was breathless. He had never thought someone could hold as much love in their eyes as Alex did at that moment, gazing at him with pure affection.

“That was no joke,” whispered John.

Alex laughed, a beautiful, bittersweet, wonderful sound. “It certainly didn't feel like a joke.”

“No. It felt like the realest thing we've ever done.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it, folks, in this little story! This documents the first year of my college 'verse, and I welcome prompts and requests for more stories [here](http://marqueer-de-lafayette.tumblr.com/), in both this 'verse and my high school 'verse, both of which have some one-shots also on my tumblr. If you want a longer story than just a one-shot, or a particular character to show up, or literally just about anything, hmu and I will be happy to oblige. As stated previously, I'm not having the best day, so any love and feedback you can give me in the comments is more than appreciated, but I totally understand if you don't leave a comment and I love you anyway. Stay hydrated, get some sleep, be kind to people and to yourself, have some chocolate if you like chocolate or some other treat if you don't, and tell someone you love them in whatever way you can. <3 I love you all and stay safe. ~Clare

**Author's Note:**

> (This is a six-part fic! I welcome prompts on [tumblr](http://marqueer-de-lafayette.tumblr.com) and you can always just come talk to me there!)


End file.
